From Release to Renewal: How True Forgiveness Opened My Heart to Love Again

Celebrating 2 Years of Redemption & Love

Today, February 25, 2025, I celebrate two years of marriage with my husband, Vandrix Ruffin—a love that I never imagined would be possible for me. But this anniversary is not just about love—it’s about redemption, healing, and the power of true forgiveness.

For years, I thought I had forgiven my first husband (now my late husband). I had compassion for him. I cared for him with dignity and honor when he returned home after eight months away. I never complained about having to shower, feed, and tend to his every personal need. But it wasn’t until after his passing that I realized:

🔹 Compassion is NOT the same as forgiveness.

🔹 Caring for someone does not mean you’ve released the pain they caused.

🔹 True forgiveness is not just in our actions—it’s a process that takes time.

And it was only after walking through that process—the painful, uncomfortable, and humbling journey of real forgiveness—that God could prepare me to receive the love of my new husband.

Compassion ≠ Forgiveness

For years, I told myself I had forgiven my first husband. After all, how could I care for him the way I did if I hadn’t forgiven him? I bathed him, clothed him, fed him, and never treated him poorly.

But here’s what I learned:

📖 Forgiveness is not just about what you do—it’s about what you release.

When Jesus forgave, He didn’t just serve people with kindness—He completely released the offense.

📖 Luke 23:34 (KJV) – "Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do."

Jesus did not just have compassion for those who crucified Him—He let go of the offense completely.

I had compassion for my first husband’s condition. But deep down, I had not released the pain of what he had done during our marriage. That resentment lived quietly in my heart, hidden behind my acts of service.

The Patience of Forgiveness

In The Road to Release: A Journey from Unforgiveness to Forgiveness, I write:

"Forgiveness is not a moment—it is a journey. The weight of pain is not lifted instantly; it is peeled away layer by layer as we surrender our wounds to God."

I had spent years trying to convince myself that I had forgiven because it was easier than facing the truth:

🔹 I was still hurt.

🔹 I was still angry.

🔹 I was still grieving the marriage I never had.

Forgiveness is a process, and we must be patient with ourselves as we walk through it. It took years of releasing, repenting, and allowing God to heal my heart before I could even recognize the residue of unforgiveness in me.

📖 Psalm 147:3 (KJV) – "He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds."

Healing cannot happen when we rush the process. God takes His time because true forgiveness goes deep.

How Forgiving My Late Husband Prepared Me for Love Again

Had I not truly forgiven my first husband, I never would have been ready for Vandrix.

The man I am celebrating two years of marriage with today is a gift from God, and I say that with full confidence.

But if I had tried to love Vandrix while still carrying the pain of my past, I would have sabotaged my own blessing.

📖 Isaiah 43:18-19 (KJV) – "Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it?"

God could not do a new thing in my life while I was still clinging to old pain.

In Standing My Holy Ground, I share this realization:

"I thought I had healed, but I had only learned how to function while broken. True healing meant putting the past to rest—not just in my words, but in my heart."

I had to:

✅ Fully surrender my past pain to God.

✅ Let go of resentment—even if I never got an apology.

✅ Trust that God was writing a new love story for me.

And when I did, God brought Vandrix into my life.

A Love That Came After Release

Today, I wake up every morning beside a husband who loves, honors, and cherishes me in ways I never thought possible. A man who reflects God’s grace and restoration in my life.

❤️ A husband who worships with me, praises with me, and sings with me, creating a home filled with the sound of faith and thanksgiving.

❤️ A husband who watches YouTube videos to learn how to do my hair when I’m too weak to do it myself.

❤️ A husband who sews my clothes when I need something special, making sure I feel beautiful and cared for.

❤️ A husband who prays over me, fights for me, and never makes me question my worth.

❤️ A husband who walks this journey of faith beside me, standing as the priest of our home, leading in love and covering me in prayer.

I wouldn’t have been able to fully receive this love if I was still waiting for closure from my past. Had I not truly forgiven, I would have built walls instead of a foundation for something new.

Forgiveness is what made room for God’s best.

When I let go of the past, God didn't just restore—I believe He exceeded every expectation. Today, I don’t just have a husband; I have a partner in faith, a covering, and a love that reflects God's redemption.

The Road to Release: Keep Walking

If you are holding onto past pain, I encourage you:

💡 Be patient with your forgiveness journey.

💡 Understand that compassion is not the same as release.

💡 Trust that when you truly let go, God has something greater in store.

I am living proof that forgiveness makes room for love.

Let’s Talk: Your Forgiveness Journey

Have you ever confused compassion with forgiveness? How has letting go prepared you for something greater?

💬 Drop a comment below—I’d love to hear your testimony.

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