The Cost of Unforgiveness – What’s Holding You Back?

The Weight You Weren’t Meant to Carry

I know what it’s like to hold onto pain for too long. To think I had it under control—only to realize it was controlling me.

For years, I carried the weight of unforgiveness, thinking that if I let go, I was letting them off the hook. I convinced myself that remembering every detail of what was done to me would somehow protect me from it happening again. But all I did was build a prison for myself—one where I replayed the hurt over and over, even when the people who caused it were long gone.

Two of the people who hurt me the most are dead, and others have moved on. They are no longer thinking about what they did to me. Meanwhile, I spent years bound to the residue of their actions. Unforgiveness wasn’t hurting them—it was hurting me.

And not just emotionally or spiritually—it began to affect my physical body.

1. Unforgiveness Keeps You Bound

There was a time when I thought holding onto unforgiveness gave me power. That if I didn’t let it go, I was somehow holding them accountable. But in reality, I was the one still chained to the past.

📖 Matthew 18:21-22 (KJV) – "Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven."

Jesus wasn’t telling Peter to literally count 490 offenses. He was saying forgiveness should be limitless—because if we don’t release it, we stay bound.

I lived in that bondage for years. Unforgiveness showed up in my conversations, my emotions, and even my health. I thought I had moved on, but deep down, the pain was still shaping my life.

The truth is, the people who hurt you may never acknowledge what they did. They may never apologize. But do you really want to stay shackled to the past while they live their lives?

2. Unforgiveness Affects Your Relationship With God

One of the hardest truths I had to face was how my unforgiveness was blocking my relationship with God. I was praying for healing, praying for peace—but my own heart was in the way.

📖 Matthew 6:14-15 (KJV) – "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

I struggled with that scripture for a long time. How could I forgive when the pain was still so real? But then God showed me: Unforgiveness hardens your heart. And a hardened heart can’t fully receive God’s blessings.

It wasn’t that He was withholding His grace from me—I just wasn’t in a position to receive it. My hands were too full of past pain to embrace what He was trying to give me.

3. Unforgiveness Affected My Health

This is where things got real for me. Unforgiveness didn’t just affect my spirit—it affected my body.

I live with rheumatoid arthritis (RA), lung disease, and a list of other health conditions. The doctors can give me medical explanations, but I know in my spirit that years of carrying unforgiveness did damage to my body.

📖 Proverbs 17:22 (KJV) – "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones."

It’s not just spiritual—science even proves that holding onto resentment affects us physically. Studies show that unforgiveness can lead to:

✅ Increased stress and anxiety

✅ High blood pressure

✅ Weakened immune system

✅ Insomnia and fatigue

I’ve dealt with:

✅ Chronic pain – RA has made even simple tasks difficult, and stress only made it worse.

✅ Fatigue & weakness – My body physically felt the weight of my emotional pain.

✅ Breathing issues – My lung disease makes it hard to breathe at times, and I believe stress and bitterness played a role in that.

✅ High blood pressure & stress – Holding onto past hurts keeps your nervous system in fight mode. I was constantly on edge.

The body and soul are connected. Science even confirms what God already told us—holding onto resentment literally damages our health.

When I finally started releasing my unforgiveness, I noticed small but real changes. No, I’m not fully healed yet—but I believe God is working on me. It’s a process, but I am finally walking the road to release.

4. Unforgiveness Prevents You from Moving Forward

One of the biggest lies the enemy tells us is that holding onto the pain protects us. But in reality, it only keeps the wound open.

📖 Isaiah 43:18-19 (KJV) – "Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it?"

I used to say, “I’ll forgive, but I won’t forget.” But God had to correct me—constantly revisiting the offense doesn’t protect you; it paralyzes you.

I’m not saying you’ll forget what happened. But if you keep reliving the offense, the wound will never heal. You can acknowledge the pain without staying stuck in it.

The Road to Release: A Lifelong Journey

Forgiveness is not saying, "It didn’t hurt." It’s saying, "I choose not to let this pain define me anymore."

It’s not a one-time event—it’s a daily decision. Some days, I still struggle. Some days, the memories hit me harder than I expect. But every day, I choose freedom over bondage, peace over pain, and healing over bitterness.

So, I’ll ask again: What is it costing you to hold on?

This week, I encourage you to take time with God. If someone’s name brings up anger, pain, or resentment, that’s a sign the wound is still fresh. Ask Him to help you release it.

Because forgiveness may be hard—but staying bound is harder.

Let’s Talk: Your Journey to Release

Have you ever struggled to let go? How has unforgiveness affected your life—physically, emotionally, or spiritually? Drop a comment below—I’d love to hear your story.

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📜 Copyright Disclaimer:

All content in this blog series, including text, images, and any related materials, is the exclusive property of Tressa L. Ruffin and God's Blaze Setter. No part of this content may be copied, reproduced, distributed, or used in any manner without express written permission from the author. For permissions or inquiries, please contact theauthortlr@gmail.com.

How to Forgive When the Pain Is Still Fresh

Let’s be honest—there are moments when forgiveness feels like the last thing we want to do. When the hurt is raw, when trust is shattered, when we’re still wiping away tears… how do we even start?

I’ve been there. And if I’m real about it, I’ve had times when I didn’t WANT to forgive. I wanted justice, closure—SOMETHING to make the pain make sense. But here’s what I’ve learned: forgiveness isn’t about them. It’s about me. It’s about you. It’s about refusing to let pain keep you prisoner.

1. Acknowledge the Hurt

We can’t heal what we won’t face. Pretending we’re fine when we’re really broken inside doesn’t help. God isn’t asking us to fake it—He’s asking us to bring our real, messy emotions to Him.

Psalm 34:18 says:"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

God isn’t distant from your pain. He sees it. He cares. And He wants to help you process it. But here’s the thing: processing pain is different from replaying it.

2. Don’t Keep Reopening the Wound

You may not forget the pain, but revisiting the offense over and over again will keep reopening the wound. If you keep replaying what happened, rehearsing the conversations, or dwelling on the betrayal, it will always feel fresh—like it just happened. And when the wound stays fresh, forgiveness becomes nearly impossible.

This is why you’ll never hear me say, “I’ll forgive, but I won’t forget.” That mindset sabotages the journey of forgiveness. If I keep reminding myself of the offense, I’m keeping myself chained to the hurt, and moving forward won’t happen.

Proverbs 4:23 tells us:"Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life."

That means guarding what you allow to take up space in your heart and mind. If you truly want to forgive, you have to stop feeding the pain.

3. Remember What Forgiveness Is (and Isn’t)

Forgiving someone doesn’t mean:

❌ Saying what they did was okay.

❌ Acting like it didn’t hurt.

❌ Letting them back into your life.

Forgiveness means:

✅ Releasing the weight of what happened to God.

✅ Choosing peace over resentment.

✅ Trusting that justice belongs to Him, not us.

Romans 12:19 reminds us:"Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord."

It’s not our job to make things right—God’s got that covered.

4. Pray for the Person Who Hurt You (Yes, Really)

This one is hard, but it works. I used to roll my eyes when people said, “Just pray for them.” But when I actually did, something shifted.

I wasn’t excusing their behavior, but I was breaking the grip that bitterness had on me. I was no longer giving them power over my peace.

Jesus said in Matthew 5:44:"Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you."

Praying for someone who hurt you isn’t about them—it’s about YOUR heart. When you pray for them, you release the offense. You open the door for healing.

5. Give Yourself Grace in the Process

Forgiveness doesn’t happen overnight. Some days, you’ll feel okay. Other days, the pain will sneak back in. That doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re human.

But here’s the key: when those thoughts come, don’t entertain them. Refuse to relive the situation. Redirect your focus. When the enemy tries to bring up old wounds, remind yourself that you’ve already released it.

Isaiah 43:18-19 says:"Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it?"

God is trying to heal you, but you have to let Him. That means letting go, not just with your words, but with your thoughts and emotions too.

Final Thought

If you’re struggling to forgive today, I get it. I really do. But I also know this: holding onto pain will only hold YOU back.

Forgiveness isn’t for them—it’s for you. And you don’t have to do it alone. God is right there, ready to help you take the first step.

Let’s talk about it: Have you ever struggled with forgiveness? What helped you finally let go? Drop a comment below or share your story—I’d love to hear from you.

📜 Copyright Disclaimer:

All content in this blog series, including text, images, and any related materials, is the exclusive property of Tressa L. Ruffin and God's Blaze Setter. No part of this content may be copied, reproduced, distributed, or used in any manner without express written permission from the author. For permissions or inquiries, please contact info@godsblazesetter.com.